the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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