i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
