i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
