Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
