I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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