I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
