Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
