Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
