If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
