i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
