dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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