You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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