im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
