I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
