There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
