Will you blow on my dice?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
