my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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