I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
