I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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