when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
