no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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