You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
