Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
worst night to have a conscience
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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