i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I can't turn off my feet"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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