I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
