I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
