I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
