I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
