I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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