You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
