Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
