ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
