Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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