So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
