toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
