The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
