I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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