I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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