OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
