why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
