THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
