I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
