did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
