EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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