Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
