You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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