It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
