i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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