Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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