i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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