I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
