the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
