Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
