yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
