At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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