oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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