If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
