I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
