is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
