Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
