He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
