he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
PANTIES FOUND
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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