Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
