Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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