Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
