I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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