i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
