I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
