Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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