I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
