im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
