i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
