I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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