I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
