I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
