i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
