1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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