so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
