sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
